The Twilight Zone

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call... The Twilight Zone!"  - Rod Serling

It's also a fair description of how the week between finishing our training and starting the challenge feels!

Between you and me, I'm a planner. I don't mind a bit of last minute panic - actually I quite enjoy it, but it has to be against the backdrop of a known plan. Organised is good, chaos is bad. And there is no doubt that the uncertainty of this week has taken me out of my comfort zone and into the twilight zone.

To be honest I'm not quite sure whether I'm coming or going.  The change of routine is a challenge in itself - not getting up at 5am and cycing for 3 hours before work is proving more difficult to get used to than I thought.  While some of the riders are blissfully sleeping in until 7.30am my body clock is totally pre-set and is ringing every 15 minutes from about 5.00am.

The reality has hit me that while I've been out cycling all these mornings life in the house has found a new routine, and they've all managed to get by without me.  And now, here I am - all at sea with nothing to do before 8.30am - trying to integrate myself back into their routines.  But only for a week, before I disappear again.  Understandably they're a bit reluctant to drop everything to pander to my every need until I head off!!

I'd guess that I've gained at least 4-5 hours a day back this week and I'm totally clueless as to what to do with it.  You'd think there would be so many things the week before we set off, but I can't think of anything at all.

Why is that?  Am I totally prepared for what lies ahead?  Absolutely not!  Half the problem is that I have absolutely no idea of what lies ahead, and therefore what I should be doing now.  When you don't know what you don't know, it's really hard to ask the right questions and to prepare in the right way.

In hindsight, no matter what Sgt. Major Curry and the seasoned veterans told us, the training was far harder than I expected.  And I don't doubt that whatever they have told us about the ride only scratches the surface and can't begin to prepare us for the next two weeks.

So, here I am, drifting through the week, with way more time on my hands than is good for me, fully aware that I probably should be doing a whole bunch of things, but not able to do them.  Or maybe there is nothing you can do at this stage?  And there's where the anxiety comes from.  Will I arrive on Sunday and realise I have forgotten something vital?  Or will everything be plain sailing right up to the point that Alan says/does whatever it is he says/does to start the ride?  You see - I can't even visualise how we start!

The uneasy feeling is a little like when you walk away from your car and then wonder whether you locked it or not.  Except in this case I can't just walk back and check.

It's not quite so bad at work where life has largely gone on as normal throughout - but with so many of us involved in the ride, every meeting or water cooler chat starts with a conversation about the training or the challenge.  "Are you ready?" "I'm not sure, but as ready as I'm going to be."  "Are you nervous?" "Well I wasn't, but with so many people asking that question I'm beginning to think I should be!!"

Our colleagues have been incredibly supportive with fund raising too, and with their help we reached our sponsorship target last week, so thanks to everyone who has supported us, and particularly to Sue, Neill and everyone who helped organise last weeks Poker Masters tournament.

This week is obviously about finishing off as many things as possible before I leave the office for two weeks.  It's making sure that everything is done, or handed over while I am away.  Not unlike what happens before you go on holiday, except there's a difference -the happy expectation that accompanies it and makes the stress worthwhile isn't there.  That's not to say I'm not looking forward to the ride, of course I am, but it doesn't quite give you the same tingle of excitement as knowing I'll be getting on a plane to some far flung exotic destination! 

Have you seen the accomodation???  This floor will be covered in 60 sleeping bags next week.

Instead, every day this week is feeling increasingly like how you feel when you wake up on the morning of an afternoon exam - that sense of impending doom looms ever larger and you just know that there is nothing else you can do in the next few hours that is likely to make a difference.  Even though it's daunting you'd rather just get on with it!

I guess I'm going to just have to put my faith in the assumption that all the hard work in getting to this point has been enough and will pay off, although I'm sure that won't prevent me using a large chunk of those extra hours trying to figure out exactly what else I could/should be doing to be even more prepared!!

Even though the week is dragging incredibly slowly, the weekend will be here soon enough and Dan, Lenny and I will be seeing the rest of the team off on Saturday morning as they start the adventure.  We're following on a day later - before we go we'll be there to see Alex and Shaena start their new adventure together.

Above everyone else, no doubt they can both empathise the most with my feelings right now, nerves rising, as their big day draws ever closer. 

I have to ask myself though, whether Alex is also being kept awake at night wondering how many tubes of chamois cream he'll be needing for the next two weeks??!!  :)